This week seems to have
rushed by.
I have been thinking about
order. There is a certain amount of trust that is required to follow the steps
(tasks) in the modules. To some extent one needs to trust that they will add to
your learning experience and not just be extra work or hoops or boxes to check.
It is one thing to do them and another to open up – undo your thinking - enough
for them to affect your plan or research or process.
This is the trust it takes
to not look for the certainty of having ‘done that’ and allow instead for
on-going development, on-going inquiry. This trust is not just some kind of
courage to find within yourself it is also about how the ‘teachers’ / ‘advisors’
/ writers-of-the-module present as trust worthy. I think learning is a two-way
street the experience of learning is the situation of the material, space,
teacher, student and those roles are interchangeable.
What do you think?
Adesola
Hi there Adesola
ReplyDeleteThanks for your comment. It is so needed for me right now. I have been going through a process of looking at the tasks that needed to be done in a check-list sort of way and panicking and finding that I am not sticking to it or veering off in other directions or as is always my fear being left behind. The experience is in the nature of the panic and a feeling that I am not breathing slowly to look at what it is I am panicking about but instead trust that this is a process. The challenge I have set myself to get it done and feeling that I might not make it or that one thing is dependant on another ..or the learning from this experience is where I am situated in all of this right now. I do feel a sense of trancendence but what it is flagging up are old paradigms that have trouble shifting and trying to me engage a different thought pattern to trust that a direction or order will evolve in this learning. I don't know whether this is some way addresses what you have posted but I 'trusted' my internal response to reply right now!
Hopal
I am going to take the leap like Hopal and respond immediately as I do understand the idea of trust, things being interchangeable. Reading your blog. It’s reaching out to in a way that has lifted me as I contemplate which AOL to start with. I can take from it at this precise moment. It very much relates to me; trust, fear...not as in a horror movie, but exposing my vulnerabilities as well as thoughts, is something that is difficult for me, how far do I go? What is appropriate? As I ask myself these questions I feel like a silly child, but if I trust myself and let the flow between myself, tutor and fellow students, of course I will have the ability to know. I flip from knowing to unknowing. I have tried to analyse what factors undermine my confidence at times. I have tried to put it in some form of pattern or structure like religion. Putting things into rules or procedures just applies a neatness to create a safeness, to be protected. If I take the leap, trust, reflect, reflex, it will be ok. It is exciting when the changes in myself on the MA are happening, I feel a sense of understanding and calmness, deep inside. Changes are happening and I do feel a voice saying “Yes Mary, this is the right thing to be doing” I have moments of disbelief. Feeling disbelief that I have this opportunity, that I can afford it, that I am not on the right track with my writing. However my thinking has opened up. I sometimes feel like I have come “home” even though this is a new experience. I am now embarking on the writing of my first AOL and I have been very nervous about it as I do understand what I need to do to apply it… I do need to ‘give myself’…. to it trust myself, trust my tutor, trust the journey. It is a Master in Arts and you have to give of yourself in art!
ReplyDeleteOn another note it was my birthday yesterday and Andrew and I went out for dinner. On the walk there I did what would seem normal to everyone else, but it was really hard for me. I asked very specific questions and then waited for the answer…. and waited and waited. Usually I jump in and fill the gaps. I then complain that Andrew doesn’t communicate. But this time I kept quiet for what seemed like forever and listened. It was so hard for me and as I was keeping quiet even when there were long pauses (probably a couple of seconds!) and he really told me a great deal of what he was thinking. I then asked him if he had noticed that I had not spoken and he said yes. He thought either I wasn’t listening or that I was doing it deliberately. It’s such a small thing but something I am learning. Coming from a loud, Greek family being the youngest, being an activist. I see it in my family we have a natural way of acting before thinking. I am changing, they are not.
Thanks and trust
ReplyDeleteMary
Thank you for your thoughts and reflective comments. I wasn't sure how this post would sit.
ReplyDeleteAdesola
Hi Adesola. I think order and trust are different for everyone and that as teachers we should endeavour to identify our learner's needs and cater for them to the best of our ability; that is what makes a strong relationship and understanding between learner and educator. It takes a massive amount of trust and personal investment to undertake an MA without any taught sessions, and I have pushed myself to be open minded, to think outside my box and challenge myself and my teaching during this course. What is outside my box will be completely different to the next person, due to a huge gamut of reasons - situation, prior experience, education, upbringing and personality type to name but a few and what is secure or ordered for one person may be insecure and disordered for another. I don't think therefore that order and trust can be quantified in any way as they represent something different to every person.
ReplyDeleteI am not sure if that is a direct answer to the above, more a reflection that without knowing each other really well, we can never really judge where any of us are within the whole process and whether or not we are trusting. And I agree that learning is a two-way street - my students teach me daily....!
ReplyDeleteHi, in some ways I think it's pleasing if students don't always trust the process offered to them, it's great for all students to explore and question but at other times their challenge to the learning experience can lead a teacher to undermine his/her own confidence in their 'trustworthiness' and it can be tiring, it's not the easy route! Perhaps its about achieving a balance between questioning and trusting. Where the weighting lies, whats productive and is acceptable in that equation, I'm not sure, and as you mention Janet, will be different for everyone. Thanks!
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